Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
