She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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