I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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