She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize