its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
