The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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