tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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