So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
