maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
