Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
