perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
