if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
