Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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