Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
