I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
