it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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