I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
