i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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