when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
