before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
