I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
