ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize