we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
