I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
