shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's the barista slut.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
