Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
babies were throwing up all over the place
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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