Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
