This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
