You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
