We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
