Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
