I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she pinky promised me she was 18
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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