She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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