Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
