Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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