so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
