Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
