I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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