i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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