i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
