hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
