i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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