You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
