This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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