I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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