I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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