I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
