Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
