Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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