the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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