I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
