Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
