you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
