Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
