just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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