Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
