i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
