By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
