Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize