u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
