margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
"it" just moved
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
