I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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