no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
