i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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