Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
