i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
