please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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