She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize