so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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