i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dignity is for republicans.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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