hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
